TWH#53: What If We Acted?
Creating better work—and a better world—one person at a time.
In his latest book, The Myth of Normal, trauma expert Gabor Maté writes something that got me thinking:
“Australian researchers found that a bad job is worse for mental health than being out of work. So the next time a co-worker complains to you, “This job is killing me,” you can tell them that they may be right.”1
Another thing that got me thinking is this:
And here’s another one for good measure:
It’s not just the dip after 2020. It’s the dysmal absolute numbers that have been going on forever. The Business Insider article where I found the chart above mentions that workers in their 20s and early 30s report “a plummeting sense of”:
feeling cared about
having someone who encourages their development
having opportunities to learn and grow
having a best friend at work
believing that their opinions count
At first glance, especially if you’re from an older generation, you may wonder “do these people actually care about anything other than themselves? Do they even care about work?”
I’ll soon be 40, so I’m in this interesting position where I can empathize with both sides of the fence. But I think it’s an unhelpful conversation, an adversarial back and forth that leads to nowhere at all. Different generations always held fundamentally different perspectives, their mindset reflecting the zeitgeist of when they came of age, when their fundamental mental models of how the world works were formed.2
Jiu-Jitsu Moves
As a leadership coach, I often use reframing as a tool to help my clients see their reality in ways that are more helpful to them. Also, one of the reasons I became a coach is the hope to increase my own reach and impact in my mission of helping fix the way we work.
But, recently, as I explored more about complexity and how complex systems are not amenable to changes aimed at their core, I started thinking that maybe there’s some jiu-jitsu move available as another approach to fixing work.
So, here’s an idea: what if instead of trying to change the organizations and systems we are a part of, we vote with our feet and go look for greener pastures elsewhere?
I know it sounds obvious. And yet here we are with all of this disengagement and burnout.
There are, of course, many reasons why individuals stay put and endure painful work situations.3 But it’s also true that learning has never been more accessible. Platforms to sell your work, as a product or as a service, became commonplace. And, even in this temporarily more difficult job market, there will always be companies hiring for exceptional skill. All together this means that the options available to make at least a decent living have skyrocketed compared to what was accessible to older generations.
My hypothesis, silly and obvious as it may sound, is that if more of us could overcome that which keeps us stuck where we are, we could literally create a better world of work—without having to directly change the system.
Self-Selection
What if instead of grumbling, we took decisive action and said “no más?”
What if instead of trying to reform the current systems from the inside we simply decided not to play here and go play elsewhere?
What if instead of accepting our learned helplessness, we did the inner work necessary to get clearer about our values, identify our limiting beliefs, and locate in ourselves the courage and skill to do what we know in our hearts to be right?
The more people gravitate towards what speaks to them, the better off everyone will be. The tensions that are created and maintained by people being off kilter with how the show is run in their company are an insane energy drain no one benefits from—employees and employer alike.
Alex Hormozi, founder and managing partner at acquisition.com, puts this in plain, simple terms (watch from 1:17:00 to 1:17:37):
More and more people voting with their feet would be a systemic forcing function of enormous power. It would be profound. Companies would be left with people that are aligned to their ways of being and working—for better or worse. I’m talking about a peaceful, gentle human drift from places where people feel anxious and stressed most of the time towards places where people feel good most of the time.
I truly believe it would be a gigantic net positive for the world, not only in terms of mental health but also, crucially, in terms of business success overall. One reason for that being that when a critical mass of people are in a state of reward rather than threat, creativity and learning are finally let loose and innovation can actually happen—at scale.
Maybe I’m naïve. Maybe I’m an idealist. Maybe I don’t know “how the real world works.” Maybe I never ran a lemonade stand (which I didn’t). Maybe.
But for now I’m choosing to keep my belief that the “real world” is actually full of incredible people whose potential is masked by a gigantic amount of fear that blinds them to possibility.
Learned Helplessness
When someone has experienced repeated and uncontrollable negative events, it leads them to believe that they have no control over their situation. As a result, they stop trying to change their circumstances even when opportunities for change are presented. This can lead to feelings of depression, anxiety, and a lack of motivation.
Sounds familiar?
I have seen many people being so jaded by their current circumstances that they start believing that “everywhere is like this, what’s the point anyway?” And that’s objectively not true. Yes, every place has challenges and problems to solve. But different places have different people. I always tell folks I mentor that a lot of their wellbeing depends more on who they choose to go on the journey with than what journey it happens to be. Because the right journey with the wrong people is still the wrong journey to go on.
The bottom line is this: learned helplessness is learned and can be unlearned. It starts with redefining what success means to you:
And it continues with redefining the relationship between work and life as closer together rather than further apart, as author Neil Pasricha points out:
It’s not work life balance, it’s a flywheel. The more energy you pour into either side of your life, the faster and more energy you can pour into the rest. I found that model so inspiring I was already doing that without knowing that that was a thing. I was always under the mistaken assumption that they were trade offs rather than a pie that constantly grows with maximum energy and no limits with it’s potential.
That sounds like something worth striving for, doesn’t it?
If the answer is yes, I’ll offer you a simple but effective framework I learned somewhere from Jeff Weiner, former CEO of LinkedIn and one of my biggest leadership inspirations. Simply set aside time for regularly getting in touch with yourself, and ask these questions:
Am I learning?
Am I making a difference?
Am I inspired by the people I work with?
If one of the answers is ‘No’, that’s a yellow flag. If two are negative, that’s a big red flag. And if the three are off, it’s absolutely time for a change.
This simple framework helps you have honest conversations with yourself and be more objective about your current conditions. For example, imagine that you answer ‘No’ to the learning question. Is there path to turning it into a ‘Yes’? Can you work on a different project? A different team? Maybe some reframing is in order, where you can see problems as opportunities to learn something new?
Timeboxing is also important. By giving yourself a deadline, you make it easier to look at the situation as finite and you can give it your all to improve things within that timeframe.
But if you’re still stuck when the time is up… why settle?
Life’s too short, anyway.
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Until next week, have a good one! 🙏
One interesting rabbit hole to explore here is Max Weber and the protestant work ethic from the early 20th century.
I feel for those who are stuck due to visa issues and the like. Immigration policies are incredibly frustrating. But the majority of people who are stuck in jobs they hate do have agency over their future.